It's a Sunny Day Kind of Thing

We have a bit of a standoffish reputation up here in the Pacific Northwest. Everyone avoids eye contact, interpersonal interaction is kept to a minimum. Among a crowd, you can truly feel alone. And it's always in a drizzle.

It's a "thing" up here, the way we are, much like Southerners are hospitable and New Yorkers are short and direct.

But I'll tell you this - when the sun comes out, Seattle is a different place. I'm sitting on my bike in an intersection and people roll up in their cars and just start up conversation. Everyone smiles at each other - it's an "I'm happy to be alive!"smile, or "look how beautiful this is" or I don't know, but appreciating everything life has to offer, so much so you have to connect with other people.

So, I don't think it's us - that we are so different. I think its the rain, and the grey and it just overcomes us, sort of a survival tactic. And as much as we can be ok with it, appreciate the rain, the grey and the wet, it takes it's toll.  Then thankfully, at some point in May, the sun comes out and reminds us.

It's a sunny day kind of thing.

Goals - Closing 2011

As a refresher, here were the goals for 2011.

And now, the final review:


Creativity - B+
I can't say enough how amazing the experience with my 365 project was. A leap of blind faith turned into so much more, in ways I wasn't even quite comfortable thinking about. I missed a few days, and by "a few", in some cases I mean "a lot".

The rest of the creativity stuff...didn't do so well. I did cook a few new things, learn a few new techniques, but not like a year's dedication would have meant. I didn't do much writing, and house redecorating didn't happen either.  The 365 project completely carries this goal, which was something I definitely wanted.

Financial - A
Check. I would give it an A+, but the implied investment side of the goal didn't turn out.

Fitness - A
Half Ironman - CHECK.
PRs - actually, looking back, surprisingly, CHECK. 3 PRs for the year. There was some unstated sub context about RUNNING PRs, and I did PR at Bloomsday and take 4 mins off my time, but this fast running thing really didn't pan out this year much, with the focus on the 70.3 and then bailing on the Seattle Half Mara.

Home Related - F
Yeah, this did not happen. New garbage disposal by necessity. Nothing else. I cleaned out my little cubby in the coffee table a couple times, and did reorganize my camera stuff a number of times. This does not count for much.

Miscellany - ?
How can you grade something you didn't write down? Some cool things for the year: I did more classics reading, including Virginia Woolf, Goethe, Jonathan Swift, Ayn Rand and Oscar Wilde. Maybe that had something to do with taking it off my list of goals, but I think it had more to do with accessibility and cheapness (FREE!) on my Kindle.

Overall:
Not bad - and I'm actually really happy with how well I did on most of this stuff.

Infinite Canvas

Happy Birthday, Mom.

I hope things are bigger and better where you are.

Archiving - 2011 Books

A good year of reading.

In terms of overall standouts, Small Furry Prayer and Within the Frame are the tops, followed closely by American Gods.

Clearly it was a year of photography, and true as well with the reading. Within the Frame, and David duChemin's philosophy in general speak to the kind of photographer I yearn to be, and in terms of sitting down with a beautiful book full of amazing pictures, beautiful thoughts, and great advice to think about (I have never so savored instructions on exactly how to get lost in a new city), it brought everything together, including the language and the photographs to

Troika

It's taken me 5 months to really sit down and write this. Why? I guess a lot of reasons. When I finished the race, I wasn't sure what to make of it, and then it took me a while to come to terms with that and make something of not being sure what to make of it, if that makes any sense at all.

7 months of training.

365 2011 Reflection

I am staring at my blinking cursor because I have so much to say, and don't know where to start.

Still don't.

Let's try this...

January 1, 2011

January 1, 2011: I'm in the dark. I have the lights off and am trying to take pictures of the Christmas lights so they look "cool and fuzzy". Later, I will find out this is called "bokeh". I have messed with my fancy camera somewhat, but don't know what else to do. It's not doing what I want. The lights aren't fuzzy enough. What is wrong with me that I can't do what everyone else can do? I'm frustrated.

Archiving - Races 2011

Date - Race - Distance - Comment

1/8/11 - Bridle Trails Trail Run - 5 mile - First Bandit Event!

3/6/11 - Lord Hill Trail Run - 5 mile

4/10/11 - Soaring Eagle Trail Run - 5 mile

5/1/11 - Bloomsday - 12K - PR!!

7/9/11 - Clear Lake Triathlon - Sprint Tri - PR!

8/7/11 - Troika Triathlon - Half Ironman - COMPLETE!

8/27/11 - Priest Lake Triathlon - Olympic Tri - PR!

Archiving - Photo Goals 2011

It’s better to fail spectacularly while reaching for the stars than it is to succeed at something we never really wanted in the first place. - David duChamin

I'm starting this page to keep track of what I want to tackle with my photography. I plan to keep adding notes to it as I go, and will probably have to think of some way to track progress on each one of the things I want to be sure to learn.

Last updated 11/21/11

Technicals

• Control aperture: select depth of field on purpose, blur background for effect
• Execute good exposure manually; control exposure for creative effect
• Learn to use and manipulate ISO settings: what it does, why to use, when to use vs. other settings like exposure +/-
• How to take pictures indoors without orange incandescent light tinge
• How to use Aperture Priority setting
• How to use the flash without it washing out everything, being too harsh
• Learn to maximize existing light that is generally not ideal

Composition

• Ability to create interesting and compellingly composed photographs
• Ability to do cool bokeh

Technology

• Define a workflow in Aperture, including organization, rating system, and keyword logic
• Ability to edit photos in Aperture: create effects, filters, black & white, sepia, colorized

Application

• Determine what to replace my broken lens with
• Night star shots
• Night traffic shots
• Get over feeling awkward whipping out my huge camera to take pictures, maybe tackle tripod phobia

Progress Updates:

1/5/11 - already panicking nightly about what to capture for my photo.

1/10/11 - getting bored with indoor light in the evening. Everything is orange. The flash is too harsh, the light too cold and blue.

1/12/11 - not sure about continuing with Flickr. Started posting and logging 365 project with Picasa to make sure I could always access the full file photos for free, and know which ones I used for the project.

1/16/11 - decided I needed a mentor. Started looking. Found some good options.

1/18/11 - submitted my first 365 to the Shutter Sisters photostream. Joining the conversation on Flickr.

2/11 - bought filter for on-camera flash. This rocks and softens things.

2/21/11 - broke out the flashes from Mom's old set up taking photos of her art. LOVE this!

3/6/11 - finally bought new lens: Nikon 50mm 1:1.4 AF - LOVE this!

4/24/11 - beginning to get over big camera phobia. Less weirded out by whipping that bad boy out. People actually are now referring to me and my "cameras". Definitely more comfortable with aperture priority, shutter priority, and learning more about how to control the exposure in the dSLR. Starting to consider running it in full manual mode (although I'm much more comfortable in full manual with the film camera), and am understanding more about what the information the dSLR presents in the viewfinder means and how to use it.

________

11/21/11 - wow. wow, wow, wow. So much to say. I came to post ideas. 

Circularly Linear

Somehow I've been contemplating fear and trying to figure out who I am and what I want to be when I grow up for over 15 years - perfecting circular thinking since 1998.

carnation

Legacy

I'm thinking a lot about Steve Jobs, lamenting the loss and appreciating the astonishing impact Steve Jobs made on our lives (as I type this on my new MacBook Pro and complain about Lion). There is so much out there - so much commentary, so many people dedicated to saying anything I might think of to feel or say, so I'll let that stuff settle in my head. My mind eventually drifts to life moving forward - the legacy and company he left behind and what will become of it. What will the new leadership do, how will they keep his vision alive?

No one loves a photographer

Mamo Mary - her next words were, "don't take my picture!"

Then Sonnie says, "don't take my picture!"

And Cappie's next words? "Don't take my picture!"

Cheers!

Huckleberry daiquiri in Grandview (we call it "PGV", or "Pretty Good View") bar...checking out race results from Priest Lake tri, taking a break (sigh!) from the sun and getting an internet fix.

Ironical

...that when I stop training for races, I have more time to cook yummier food...

Fork.

My dad holds up his fork. We are at dessert, having pie, cake and coffee.

"Can I please have a fork that's straight?" He asks, noting the strange and significant curve to the handle. It looks as if it's had a bad run in with some telekinesis.

"Are you questioning the fork for its alternative orientation?" I question back. "Just because the fork has an alternative orientation doesn't mean it can't perform it's job just as well as a straight fork," I obstinately declare.

"And what would it's job be?" the Boy jousts back to me.

"Well, forking, of course...are you saying it can't fork just as well as a fork of a different orientation?"

Some questions probably shouldn't be asked, nor answered. And it was probably good that no one pointed out that spooning leads to forking.

Today

What is beautiful today?

...that I have so many people who love me more than I will know, even when I make mistakes (big ones sometimes) and am all the things that frustrate me about me - somehow they love me not just in spite of those things, but BECAUSE of those things.

...that I got to spend two weeks with my dad

...the few moments the sun breaks through the endless Seattle clouds

...the peace that comes from watching piles and piles of laundry get clean

Endless Loop

...taking a picture of you taking a picture of me taking a picture of you...

Pool

...and when I did sleep, I dreamt of a pool, a beautiful pool - black lanes of tile under aqua blue water, sparkling in the sunshine, stretching out a full olympic distance, wide and empty. Strings of triangular flags stretched above the lanes, moving gently in the nearly indiscernible breeze, begging, inviting me for a swim.

This was not the Y: short half length pool, crowded with other swimmers. This pool was perfect. I went to get my things and go swimming.

By the time I got back, the weather changed. The pool was indoors. It was cloudy. The breeze had picked up. I looked for a way to get into the pool. I had to go through a door. When I got in, the building was dark, the water no longer aqua, had taken on the darkness of the building and reflected the gray of the low light in the building.

The only way into the pool was from the diving board. I put my things down and went to the diving board. As I looked down, the water was stormy - this was not the pool I went to get my things to swim in. This was not the pool that invited me.

I looked around to get off the diving board; the only way off was back. I considered turning around and looked down at the pool. Now, farther down, I was standing on the high dive. The water was churning under me. I had considered jumping anyway, sucking up my fear and trusting that I would survive. Looking down, the water was far below me, rough, and farther now each time I blinked. I could jump, but it would be too far to survive the fall, and the water was now a river, rapids below me.

Panicked, I turned around again to walk back, afraid that I would fall as I backtracked, terrified to move, to choose, to do anything, knowing I could not stay where I was.

I woke up with a start, staring at the ceiling, the doorway, the darkness...thinking about the pool and my fear.

Direction

195 days into my 365...

...I have a thought process for coming up with pictures for the day. Hopefully, something about the day inspired me to think about taking a picture, or hopefully something about the day before got me thinking ahead...but generally, it becomes evening and I haven't gotten a picture and I don't have a plan. In this case I look around the house, get bored with my thoughts of what to snap, and since it's summer and there is a lot of daylight, I typically head outside and up the street to see what's there, what the light is doing, and grasp desperately at anything that shows a hint of pulse over "boredom".

I always walk out of my courtyard and walk up the street. I turn left. Sometimes I cross the street, but usually I stay on the left.

It took me until 195 days into this project to wonder what would happen if I walked out of my courtyard and turned RIGHT.

Holy shit, people.

Nearly 200 days, how much boredom and skipped days for lack of inspiration, when all I had to do was look the other way?

The complete impact and meaning of this simple, basic thing, is staggering to me. Not just the 365 project. But how many times, every day, in every situation, in every relationship, do we have such a pattern of approach or perspective that it doesn't even occur to us to do something different? How many situations or life paths do we go down not even thinking we could go the other way (let alone blaze our own trail) even when it is right in front of us? (Or behind us, or to the right of us as we turn left, or across the street, or...)

Turning right, down to the light on the highway, then I can go right, or left, or across the street, and go right, left or forward...each path leading to a different path and different choices...I always turned left.

I know why I turned left. Turning right goes toward the traffic and crossing the major street. It takes 3 minutes to wait for the light to change. It takes longer. And really, generally doesn't seem quite as interesting. But as I walked up the street to take my pictures, soon walking 2 blocks didn't warrant any new sights or settings, so I walked 4 blocks, then 6...and then, waiting 3 minutes each way for the light might not be so bad, and just for something new.

Like most things, as soon as I turned right, more opportunities showed up, and new opportunities got me thinking of new things. Try a soft focus, try something urban, ooooh, how about a series of themes...

...I'm still absorbing this, translating it, understanding all it means...basic concepts can be so profound.

Symmetry

I love these two pictures together:

I didn't intend to mirror the mug from my morning's coffee when I took the picture of the shadow on the pavement this afternoon, nor did I recognize the repetition of the pattern until I looked at the picture on my computer later. I was focused on how black and white the shadows on the asphalt were, much, ironically, the same way I appreciated the soft monotone of the leaves on the mug in the morning.

The depth of symmetry is what strikes me most - not the leaf pattern, but the appreciation of the simplicity of the monotone image that stuck with me throughout the day. I can find similar symmetry in most of my writing when I look back over the years. Every so often the same theme emerges, with similar images, similar focus, but slightly different perspective. Sometimes its an identical concept, but the focus inverted - instead of the developed "picture", it's the film "negative" version of the same idea. Instead of writing about sound, in the same way, I write about silence. 

It is interesting.

...and yet, it is not surprising. The more I think about it, it's really not surprising at all. Some concepts capture us, for whatever reason, perhaps unique to each concept, and I think some concepts weave themselves through our lives, coming and going, presenting themselves in different ways. They always strike me with a certain element of "magic", and yet, when I really think about them, I realize that they are just my themes.

Black and white, shades of grey, stillness and peace...these concepts will always be things that resurface for me. They captivate and inspire me.