How many times have I callously, daringly, seriously joked about volunteering for a severance package to get away from corporate America, dive into my own dreams or even look for another angle on the corporate package?
Now the news comes that yes, there will be a merger. Is it a merger? A buy out? Apparently we were bought. I don't know what it means - there are regulatory hurdles, monopoly accusations to assuage, red tape, bureaucracy and negotiations between now and that eventuality, but the invisible ink on the walls is become much more clear.
I'm off to Tampa tomorrow, to meet with my team and leadership - separate, and awkward but potentially fortuitous timing - it feels odd to pack knowing there is a 12 month timeline on "life as we know it", knowing that life as we know it has already ended. Annual goals about issue management and issue SLA suddenly seem out of focus...
Having jumped online and read the news, logged into my webmail and read the communications from our CEO, it is not a done deal, but the hit is done. The perspective has changed; there will be other changes - we just don't know when.
I sit here, rather stunned. The news is the news - and I grasp at what it means: to me, to our life, to my team. I wonder about the job market; I wonder about the job market with 30, 000 of us hitting it at the same time. I wonder who will be kept and why. I jump to the worst conclusion - corporate nepotism knows no bounds.
Our CEO encourages us to leverage the corporate values as we continue to provide excellent service but don't we all know how futile it is to expect people who are scared and willing to do whatever they have to in order to protect themselves to abide by some higher value, especially something imposed by a "government" that has little loyalty to them. Obviously. Little loyalty.
My Boy reaches in the cabinet, pulling out a wishbone. "It's probably a good time for this," he says. As I reach for it, I realize I don't know what to wish for. To keep my job? Is that really what I want? For everything to turn out ok? What is that anyway?
We put the wishbone away. I will wish when I know what I want.
The unknown; change.